6 years ago today the course of my life was drastically changed......6 years ago today I was heartbroken, horrified, terrified, shattered, scared, lost, at a loss for words......the words to describe the emotions go on and on. 6 years ago today I lost the man I was going to marry and spend my life with. He died suddenly with no real explanation approximately 6 weeks from the day we were to be married. We were going to open a joint checking account the next weekend and the following was my wedding shower, the wedding invitations were stamped and ready to be sent. The plans were in order and we were ready to start our lives together.......but God had a different plan.
God's plan was that Bryan's time on this earth was up....i guess we will never know the reason until we see Jesus in heaven. As hard as it was to accept, His plan was not for us to spend our lives together as husband and wife. I remember feeling so out of control, the shocking reality that at any moment the rug could be pulled out from under me and MY plans terrified me. Almost instantly, I knew I had to go to the One who knows all....the One who has created all....in order to find peace and rest. He is the One who holds this world in His hands and I knew He would hold me and He did and He still does! I find peace in knowing that even though I don't know what tomorrow holds.....God does.....and He will give me the strength to get through whatever crosses my path.
I also realized that the reason I am here on this earth is NOT to fulfill MY plans but to seek Jesus and to fulfill His plans for my life. He is the One who created me, He knows all and sees all so why would I look within myself to see what path to take. Since I was created and because I know nothing but what I can see in front of me, why then would I try to do things on my own? Shouldn't we be seeking Jesus, God, for guidance and for help?
He loves us so much and He wants a relationship with us. I am so thankful for the relationship I have with Him.....I remember talking with one of the ladies at Bryan's church after he passed away and telling her that I was trying to remember the scripture "all things work together for good".......and she said, yes but remember it says "And we know that all things work together for good to those WHO LOVE GOD, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) She emphasized that this scripture is directed only to those who love God....this really spoke to my heart. I think so many people quote this scripture but they don't ever see the power in it....they don't ever see it lived out in their lives because they aren't truly loving God.
Don't get me wrong I am not saying that what happened was good or that Bryan's death was good but I am saying that I called out to the Lord, He carried me through the darkest hour of my life, I fell deeply in love with Him and His word......and He has brought good in my life......He has given me peace in trials, hope in heaven, forgiveness from my sins, joy in Him, and love unexplainable! And He is slowly changing me and molding me into His image although I have a long way to go. AND I believe Bryan is in heaven singing with the angels.....joy unspeakable......even though he is deeply missed by friends and family.....he would not want to leave the presence of our Father.....I find comfort in that!
I will end with Isaiah 61:1-3 one of my favorite scriptures "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has annointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." In my Bible commentary it says Jesus took these verses as His text when He preached in Nazareth (Luke 4:16) and announced that He was ushering in the Year of Jubilee (Lev 25). It is a time of releasing the slaves, canceling debts, and making a new beginning. Today, those who trust Christ begin to enjoy their Jubilee; those who reject Him face judgment.
When I read these verses I feel my heart leaping in my chest and I imagine myself pumping my fists saying YES YES YES.....like I was at a Colts superbowl game watching the running back run across the field and into the end zone for the game winning touchdown.....lol....you get the idea! There truly is hope in Christ!
God's plan was that Bryan's time on this earth was up....i guess we will never know the reason until we see Jesus in heaven. As hard as it was to accept, His plan was not for us to spend our lives together as husband and wife. I remember feeling so out of control, the shocking reality that at any moment the rug could be pulled out from under me and MY plans terrified me. Almost instantly, I knew I had to go to the One who knows all....the One who has created all....in order to find peace and rest. He is the One who holds this world in His hands and I knew He would hold me and He did and He still does! I find peace in knowing that even though I don't know what tomorrow holds.....God does.....and He will give me the strength to get through whatever crosses my path.
I also realized that the reason I am here on this earth is NOT to fulfill MY plans but to seek Jesus and to fulfill His plans for my life. He is the One who created me, He knows all and sees all so why would I look within myself to see what path to take. Since I was created and because I know nothing but what I can see in front of me, why then would I try to do things on my own? Shouldn't we be seeking Jesus, God, for guidance and for help?
He loves us so much and He wants a relationship with us. I am so thankful for the relationship I have with Him.....I remember talking with one of the ladies at Bryan's church after he passed away and telling her that I was trying to remember the scripture "all things work together for good".......and she said, yes but remember it says "And we know that all things work together for good to those WHO LOVE GOD, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) She emphasized that this scripture is directed only to those who love God....this really spoke to my heart. I think so many people quote this scripture but they don't ever see the power in it....they don't ever see it lived out in their lives because they aren't truly loving God.
Don't get me wrong I am not saying that what happened was good or that Bryan's death was good but I am saying that I called out to the Lord, He carried me through the darkest hour of my life, I fell deeply in love with Him and His word......and He has brought good in my life......He has given me peace in trials, hope in heaven, forgiveness from my sins, joy in Him, and love unexplainable! And He is slowly changing me and molding me into His image although I have a long way to go. AND I believe Bryan is in heaven singing with the angels.....joy unspeakable......even though he is deeply missed by friends and family.....he would not want to leave the presence of our Father.....I find comfort in that!
I will end with Isaiah 61:1-3 one of my favorite scriptures "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has annointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." In my Bible commentary it says Jesus took these verses as His text when He preached in Nazareth (Luke 4:16) and announced that He was ushering in the Year of Jubilee (Lev 25). It is a time of releasing the slaves, canceling debts, and making a new beginning. Today, those who trust Christ begin to enjoy their Jubilee; those who reject Him face judgment.
When I read these verses I feel my heart leaping in my chest and I imagine myself pumping my fists saying YES YES YES.....like I was at a Colts superbowl game watching the running back run across the field and into the end zone for the game winning touchdown.....lol....you get the idea! There truly is hope in Christ!
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